Being a trailing spouse can be tough at times, I am used to earning, used to having a successful career as a software designer, used to respect, used to adult conversations, used to intellectual conversations and challenges, used to using my brain for things other than remembering the words to nursery rhymes.

Handing in my notice was the hardest part of becoming an expat, it felt like saying goodbye to a part of me. My old company really was a great place, interesting work, interesting people, training and family friendly to boot!

Therefore when the opportunity for temporary work back at my old company came up I jumped at the chance. Although it would cut into my time back with family in the UK, I needed to do it for me. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the chance to be a full time mother, but there is no right balance of work and being a mum for me. I have worked full time, part time and been a stay at home mum. All are tough, all have their challenges and I always worry if I am doing right by my children.

My main worry this time was Baby Blue, he had known nothing else than me being a stay at home mum. He is still breast feeding a lot, he is in a country he is not familiar with people who I would trust to the end of the world but to him are pretty much strangers. With the husband still in Zambia for a couple of weeks he would be cared for by the grandparents. How would he adapt to me working 5 days a week even if it was only temporary he would not understand that.

Another problem was having lived in shorts, vest tops and flip flops for a year now I needed to dig out my office wear, but as was I was heavily pregnant last time I was at work and most of my old clothes were way too big. Luckily the night before I starting working Sainsbury’s came to the rescue. So as I walked through the familiar door I looked the part but inside felt nervous. Would I still be able to do it? “Welcome back” greetings from many familiar faces settled the nerves a bit and by the end of the day it felt like I had never been away 🙂 . Although some of my use of the syntax and frameworks were a bit rusty it was nothing google couldn’t sort and it was such a relief that the problem solving skills I had spent years learning came back to me like riding a bike.

And my fears on how Baby Blue would cope were also unfounded, he survived without my milk for the 8 or 9 hours, he was happy playing with his grandparents and cousins, and being spoilt rotten. Of course when I came home he drained me and wanted lots of hugs.

At work I enjoyed being me the programmer, me the earner. I revelled in the mental challenges thrown at me, felt the satisfaction of overcoming a  difficult barrier or solving the problem, engaged in adult conversations and was treated with respect. Plus as any parent will appreciate, time to drink hot tea and listen to my music (not nursery rhymes).

Maybe being a full time mum and trailing spouse hadn’t put my career to and end as I feared but instead put it on pause. Thank you to all at PXtech for the opportunity to work with you again. I hope to do so again in the future.

(Image credit : http://www.management-issues.com)